The Ends of Being and Ideal Grace

I am home alone, lying down on my belly, racked by menstrual cramps. I would really like to go out and enjoy my meager 2 week break and swim like I've never seen the beach when we go to Batangas this weekend. But no can do. I'm a victim of my own body. I'm a girl, has been for 19 years, so I guess I just have to tough this one out too. DX

If it never ends then when do we start? crooned Adam Levine when we watched Maroon 5 Live in Manila last Monday, May 23. I've not had that much fun until recently due to, quoting my friend Cholo, "Dear UP, can I please have my life back before it's too late?" You get the point. I felt ALIVE. But really, I HAD A BLAST. Wonderful setlist, awesome screaming fangirl friends, sexiness in the form of Adam Levine. Really, there is nothing I could have wished for. Except to have REALLY seen Adam Levine in the flesh with my own two eyes. Awesome. Thank you Universe, thank you overly strict parents for letting this one slide.

If it never ends then when do we start? The Maroon 5 concert was an escape of sorts. An escape from responsibility, an escape from academics, an escape from feelings festering inside. Waking up on the morning of the 24th, everything came rushing back. If this cycle of pseudo-hatred and crazed adoration never ends, when does an attempt at genuine friendship start? If this unwarranted desire never ends, when does salvation and respect begin? If this procrastination never ends, when will our database updating begin? Why do I even have to wake up?

Craaaamps. Might as well strap me onto my bed. I cannot get up anyway.

Right, there's a Maroon 5 song for that... I'm never gonna leave this bed.


As I am being held hostage by my own body, I wonder how my feelings hold me and my emotional stability hostage sometimes. How I always put what I feel in front of me every time. How has that helped me? Can I ever get over myself?