The Ends of Being and Ideal Grace

"Hello! Kamusta ka na, bitchesa?"
"Hello! Anong class mo?"
"Hello! Aurellano Residence, sino po sila?"

Do you ever ask yourself why you say hello to people? I never did. It's a normal knee-jerk reaction to seeing people I know and getting their attention. Is it not the same for all people? Do you guys think of why you're saying hello to the person who's calling you on the phone? You'd undoubtedly shout and wave your arms about when you see a long time friend but you would have qualms about making eye contact and saying hi to a classmate in a forgettable GE course. Usually, when we approach people or when people approach us, we'd rather ask ourselves if we have the right to greet them. Whether or not we're on "saying hello" terms already. I guess this "right" is like a synthesis of all the reasons we have to say hello. We're just thinking on that higher level. But go down with me, why say hello to people? What makes you decide that it's okay to say hi?

I usually don't have much issues with people who feel close to me even if I barely remember their names. I like the attention and the connection, even if it never really lasts. I go with the flow and assume it's okay to feel close to them too. Having said that, I guess you don't have to mean much to me to be on "hello" terms. However, there are times when I just couldn't get myself to say hello to some people. Usually men. Cases in point: A Math 17 and ES 11 classmate that we keep running into but always pretend to not recognize (But it's probably because he looks like a horse. Don't judge us like we judged him), Little Gab from Miss Engg, who I frequently ride on the same jeeps with, my former professors. They're definitely not in my HelloZone. Needless to say, after all the judging, we never really got around to talking to that classmate. A momentary burst of hormonal high saw me take a picture with Gab. Saying hi to professors has been so high school. It's a logical AND moment here. If there's a reason NOT to say hello, the whole equation turns to zero.

Does that mean that the people you don't say hello to basically don't exist in your life? If they don't matter enough to say hello to you, or for you to greet them with a smile or a wave, do you even have to care further? Of course that's a shallow, baseless and inconsiderate thought. It's like throwing away white gold because it's not yellow. But when people you cherish, people you love, people who would always matter in your heart stop recognizing you, go on with their lives without you, the fact that they don't say hello anymore hits you with the impact of an atomic bomb. For sure, we tend to blow things out of proportion when it's about people we love. A thousand probable, reasonable excuses are readily available but we're having none of them. Something's changed, we insist to ourselves. Our friends tell us that we're just losing our marbles and going way overboard with the little things. I've never quite understood why couples fight over things such as a non-existent smiley at the end of a text or a date rescheduled. But I guess, the little things are on to something sometimes.

"Say goodbye when there's no longer a reason to say hello." Don't go ahead and judge the quote superficial. If there's no more reason to say hello, a connection is lost. Maybe he's not who you thought he was or maybe she's not as interested in what you're doing. Maybe he's not seeing that future with you anymore. Maybe she feels you've overstayed your welcome. When there's nothing to say, even hello, know that whatever you have, it's falling apart. If it's pride that's keeping you from bridging the gap, if it's shame or hate or anger, it feels like you've lost your direct line to each other. It doesn't even have to be words. A gentle touch, a moment when your eyes just meet and stare at each other. Little things that keep you holding on, like magic tape on wall cracks. If it's not there, maybe there's nothing anymore.

When it's like he's not even there, when it's like you're the strangest stranger, when he looks at you as if you're peeling wallpaper, when you see him coming and you meet his eyes and they're as cold as ice and all you can do is turn away, when you can sit beside each other for hours and feel like a thousand worlds apart, when you lean your head towards his shoulder and hold it in the air for a moment, pretending to feel something, when you're tired and drained as you wrestle with depression all day, when you feel like there are so many words to say but you do not want to talk or when you feel that you do not even really know him after all this time, there's suddenly no reason to say hello. Then maybe it's time to hit the button, go ahead, close the door and say goodbye.