The Ends of Being and Ideal Grace

I close my eyes and I see your beautiful brown eyes staring at my black ones. Every moment of you and me exchanging looks of surprise, question, anxiety, hope and whatnot flashes before me. Every vacant waking moment, I spend pondering your brown eyes. They are a most surreal experience. I fancy looking into those wonderful orbs and seeing someone who wants me for who I am. I wish that at those times you stare into me, searching the answers to your questions, you find someone you would want, someone you can love. I hope you know that when you look me in the eye, you're looking in the eyes of someone who can love you for who you are, someone who would always be there for you, someone who doesn’t mind spending an eternity with you.



I imagine that distinct scent of yours, the one that sends me into fits of arousal, wafting around the proximity. The smell of your skin lingers in my memories. I breathe you, I take in the scent of you with all sorts of relish. No one smells quite like you. Actually, no one smells sexy quite like you. It's a smell I'd gladly wake up to every morning of my life.



Your deep quiet voice resounds in my head. It echoes through my thoughts. Your voice soothes me like waves crashing against a rocky beach. It agitates yet quells the uprising seawater and whittles it down to white bubbly foam. It has a cool calming quality like a purr of the kitten but perhaps more gruff. And then there's your charming smile. You smile with your eyes and the combination takes my breath away. You know, you smile at me a lot. Perhaps I like that too much about you. Do you find me funny? Do you find me witty? I hope you do, because I'd be anything, I'd say anything, just to see you smile. More than that, there is an extreme level of satisfaction that I gain when I make you laugh. It makes me shiver with desire when I see your shoulders shudder as you laugh your soundless laugh. It's more of a snicker than a laugh but to me it's like striking the gold mine of your heart.



There was this one time I watched you while you were sleeping, your head on your skinny arms, tilted to the right. Light falls on your smooth hair like raindrops rolling on black velvet. Your eyelashes were fluttering with your relaxed breathing. I looked down at your peaceful figure and fervently wished that I could snuggle in with you, hold you in my arms and let the moment last us 'til eternity.



What have you done to me? What enchantment has fallen upon me? You left me spinning in my heels, not knowing what hit me. Every moment spent with you feels like watching the sunset. You make me feel wanted. You make me feel needed. Every time our eyes connect, I feel something almost tangible between us. It's like we depend on each other so much. We can really make a good team you know, once the opportunity arises. Of the boys and the men that I deal with everyday, you were the one who stood out because you care. I know I chose you. I swayed myself to fall for you. It's something I regret at times but how do you sincerely regret something that makes you feel good?



In this moment of pure fancy, you were my prince, my hero and my love. The next moment, reality dawns on me once again. I have to face the truth. I have to dance my lonely waltz one more time. Pretending you don't matter, pretending I don't really care. You are my friend, perhaps nothing more. No one knows for sure how you feel about me and for sure no one knows how I feel about you. They know I wrote something about how I fancy someone but it is for certain that they don't know it's you. That's my secret.



'Til the next moment of fancy takes over me and my lonely soul.