Reflections on...

6:52 AM

  • ...my first and hopefully, my last 5.0 
    • I've never thought I'd get a 5.0 ever. Maybe that's why I got it. I began the sem with an arrogant notion of invincibility. I've survived six crazy sems of EEE and perhaps the last four would just breeze by me. Well, wrong, the fuck I was. It was the hardest sem I had to go through. Although it wasn't because the subjects were hard. I think I did well in understanding them. It's just that I was fucking up the execution parts (ie exams, DP's etc) badly. I was cramming horribly. I screwed my body clock up and consequently my immune system. I was just so arrogant about it. I had this little voice telling me, "Eh magcucurve naman yan." But I never asked the voice, "Kung nagcurve nga, aabot ba ko?" which is exactly what happened.
    • Regrets: Well, to start with that last EEE53 homework that I didn't submit. Surely enough, if I had passed it, I would have moved on ECE113. I regret forming the horrible habit of sleeping at 6pm and then cramming everything in the wee hours of the morning. I regret the sleepless nights and the zombie days. But most of all, I regret the overconfidence. I was sent hurtling down from the clouds and into the ground where I belong. Indeed, he who makes himself first will become last. But also, the fuck. If there was anything that I learned from Papa D (Sir Allan Dioko, my 3rd year HS adviser) it's that there is no use dwelling in regrets. We have to keep moving onward and upward. Whether you have to run, walk, climb, swim, crawl or slither, you have to keep moving forward. 
    • My last words: Vengeance, mine will thine be.
  • ..."Alam namin na kaya mo kaya <insert order here>."
    • Now, where did I hear those words before? Right... in the musty hallway of Vinzons Hall as the dancing dust mites dally in the afternoon sun. After all this time, my account of that event is still highly romanticized. HAHA. Notice 'dancing dust mites' rather than 'horribly asthma inducing years worth of dust.' Anywho, I've heard that a few more times since then. Honestly, I'm torn about how I feel when people tell me this. I've always enjoyed the self-important feeling of people telling me that they are confident of my abilities. I've fancied how these people trust me enough to give me this job; that they really do believe in me. On the other hand, I feel that this line is just so casually thrown about. Like it's not sincere. I'm not the volunteering kind but I don't like feeling like I'm some kind of kid being bribed with emotional candy to do something for them adults. I've been wary of people since my high school freshman year. I've learned that sometimes, people don't mean what they say and that they sometimes say things to manipulate you. I am afraid of that. I know that the people around me don't deserve to be thought of that way but sometimes it happens. Like what happened in that afternoon. I was refusing profusely out of fear that he doesn't really mean it. I was hurt protecting myself. I don't think I'll ever know if he did mean it. Sometimes, that's just the way it is. 
  • ...this coming Engineering Week
    • This maybe the busiest Engg Week yet. But it sure sounds like a lot of fun. I'm nervous as freakin hell but also as excited. Now that I'm older, I really would like to be part of helping the younger mems enjoy working for ERG this Engg week. You know, mentor them in the ways of the Engg Week. But I think they're doing quite well on their own. I really like that Org Coordinator job which is so freaking worth it if you see your team winning. Haha. My Champion Touch Rugby Team will forever and always be my proudest Engg Week moment. I hope they repeat this year, regardless of whoever takes over as Org Coordinator. What keeps me on my toes is that as a senior member, I'm feeling the brunt of the pressure to keep ERG on top of the standings. Add that to the pressure of being 'mommy' to one of the most anticipated Miss Engg candidates yearly and the hunger to get that crown back to the rightful side of the EEE tambayan complex and you have the makings of a stressful November to December. Competition sometimes brings out the best in me and sometimes it doesn't. But I'm a competitive girl, that I know. It keeps me going. I'm just so looking forward to how this Engg Week turns out.
    • PS: Hoping the Miss Engg blessing continues. Hehehe. lovelife please! Hehehe.
  • ...my l'amour du jour
    • Yes, I'm always reflecting on this. Hahaha. 
    • Things I've realized: There is no point in being bitter about it. He's happy and you know it so clap your hands and marvel at this wonderful thing called love. If one day they decided that they're not really for each other then maybe I'll just smirk to myself thinking, "I've always thought you'd rather belong with me." and feel like Taylor Swift. Haha. But seriously, I tell myself that it's just him that I want and I should totally be contented with the 'him' that I get. 
  • ...my l'amour d'hier
    • Again, I've moved on. STOP THIS SHIT AND GET ON WITH LIFE. :))

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