The Ends of Being and Ideal Grace

September 26, 2011.

I left you a generic greeting on your Facebook wall and expecting nothing more, you replied with the generic thank you. I didn't need Facebook to remind what today is. Your birthday means a lot to me because you mean a lot to me. I may have given up hopes of finally breaking through your tough guy shell and winning your heart but the fact that I never wanted anyone quite like the way I wanted you, remains unchanged.

I find myself hung up, trying to finish this little piece for you 40 minutes before your birthday ends. I admit how hard it was for me to begin this. Needless to say, there is an overwhelming multitude of unspoken words between us, a thousand roller coaster loops of emotions, stowed to the deepest corners of my heart. But there is really nothing right now. You're my heart's current blind spot.  I don't feel for you as much as I felt before. I found this piece hard to begin not because I was bitter about you, not because I was afraid that writing about you again would stir up my desire for you but because I have no idea what to say, what emotions to convey. I guess you're not the antecedent to my emotional (and poetic) wildfire that you used to be.

Anyway, I wish you had a happy birthday despite the rains. I wish you succeed in your whatever goals you have. You'll always have me to support you as a friend and as a subordinate. You may not be as golden as the golden boy I thought you were but you're still you. Everything that I felt for you was true as true can be to me. You would still and forever be the only man that could evoke those feelings from me. I always think about you and you remain a little but steady voice in the back of my head. I wish you well. May God bless you. :)