The Ends of Being and Ideal Grace

*This post was written way back in July. I lost the emotion to finish it but it still holds true, whatever I've written. -redge

"Anong year nyo na po?"
"Fifth year."
"Wow. Nakasurvive po kayo!"

Survive? What did I survive? Electric Circuit Theory? Design Problems? My very first 5.0? EEE Life in general? Freshmen are laughable when they think they know everything. There are people in EEEI who seem to enjoy driving freshmen to death by fear of failing out of EEE.

When I was a freshman, one of our blockhandlers told us that you know you're getting old when the course number of the subjects you're taking have 3 digits already. An orgmate recently declared that once you pass EEE 41, you're already an elder statesman in EEE. By all means, I know I'm old. I don't deny it. But it gives me comfort that I am not the oldest one. *snigger*

We, you and I, we're old. You don't seem to mind. Maybe it's because once you pass your fifth year, you stop counting the years. Haha, sorry to give away your age. But hey, look at us, hanging out back, sticking to the walls, watching those "kids" do their stuff. They'll always be kids to us, won't they? Just like how we'll always be "orgmates" right? Haha. Of course. HA HA. But this ain't so bad. We did well when we were like them. Especially you. You were an outright protege. I preferred to be low-key until recently. Our time has passed. I'm still coming to terms with that but hey, we still have our final hooray. Or do we? Is it OUR final curtain call? Ours as in, yours and mine, together? Is it? I don't feel it, well, I don't feel you anyway.

You've always been an imposing figure to the younger ones, including me. But I've been coming into my own, growing into place. I've always wanted to earn my place among the elder statesmen, my spot with the veterans, with the useful people who made their mark. This may be it, my final place. I had only achieved so much. I don't know if I'd done enough to earn your respect, you never seemed to acknowledge me anyway, but I find solace in the fact that I'd spent the better of my years being productive. There is nothing I regret, except the fact that I never gained your trust. If anything else, I've earned the right to be "old" with you together. I'll find a way to be happy with that. :)