The Ends of Being and Ideal Grace

Dear You:

How do I even start to explain? Can we work our way backwards? 

First off, I am really really sorry for that waaaaaay too offhand comment in our recent online conversation  It was insensitive and downright bawdy. In fact, I'll understand if you keep me at arm's length from now on. Did I really mean to hit on you? No and Yes. 

No, because I fully understand that you are a taken guy. I haven't met her but I have a high respect for her and you and your relationship. I believe that it is way below my upbringing to go around flirting with other people's boyfriends. 

Yes, but not in that flirty kind of way. I was just trying to tell you how well rounded I think you are. I did mean it. But the words came out wrong. I am so sorry. I guess I showed too much of how I really feel. 

I rather hope I wont see you soon. It would be particularly awkward for me. But the last time I was in a rather similar sticky situation with you, you came through for me. You were either forgiving or plain dense. D'you remember? That day when I chided you about how you picked a girl up the day before and how I shockingly found out about HER and your, well, THING together. Oh gosh, I shall never forget that day. I described that moment as "like a rug pulled under my feet." I flopped like a clumsy dodo, didn't know what to do. Fight or flight? Well, I chickened out on it. It was really funny but then, I guess it kinda broke my heart a little bit. I was hoping to break free from an emotional dependence that I was so tired of and then I realized that there might be hope in you. Call it desperation, but you were my dark horse.

While I could still imagine myself flush red at the sight of you hours after it happened, my tension subsided when you acted like things were the same as they were, before that unfortunate conversation. If you already took a hint back then, it didnt show. It was relieving, to say the least. And I couldnt thank you more for saving what's left of my dignity. XD

We haven't talked since that unfortunate PM. I keep vacillating on PM'ing you. But we'll bump into each other soon. I'm taking it from there. I'm counting my hits (PUN TOTALLY UNINTENDED). This is Strike Two. Last strike and I'm on my way out. The last strike will mean that I may be getting waaaay too comfortable with you for both our sakes. And if I hit Strike Three, I'd gladly pull myself away from you for my own good. Not that I'll try to avoid you, but I'd rather go on keeping things impersonal. Like what's going with me and someone else. LAWL. XD

Love,
Me.

PS: I finally found the perfect excuse to PM you. Watch out, See you real soon.